💜🌈 CitizenPressDog 🌈💜

OK so I’m laying here in bed and I’m thinking about A lot of different things-my life my friends my family and the fact that I cannot trust men when it comes to relationships and the fact that it’s a problem because I seek people who are not geographically compatible. Geographic compatibility sometimes scares me because it means that I can get hurt easier. I have yet to find someone worthy of my trust that is local pretty much because I haven’t given anyone a chance lately. During my several years of independence I’ve gotten used to being on my own and not relying on the guy to make me happy. I think the reason I’ve taken such a hiatus is because my relationships when they happen are back to back, There was a time when I can stand being single now I look at it as afraid to commit to somebody because I’m afraid I’m going to get hurt so I don’t let myself focus on one person I always have several people talking at once, if there’s somebody that’s interested in me I tend to get concerned about that because i’ve been in a situation before where a “Boyfriend” was dismissed because of his actions outside of the relationship that was building. That relationship spawned into a three-year on and off stocking incident. I tell you folks it is not nice to have to look over your shoulder, to screen your calls-worry about carrying pepper spray or a taser. As I get older I think about those years that I’ve taken off from relationships and wonder to myself if my hiatus has damaged my future of sorts. I feel like relationships in the real world stress me out and when I’m communicating with friends online I have the ability to close the app or turn off the phone. Which is something I cannot do when it’s happening in real life. It’s a well-known fact that I can’t handle stress and I am afraid that a relationship is going to be stressful mainly because I do not want to have a relationship where I have to constantly worry what my partner is doing-a lot of that has to do with their maturity maybe my expectations are too high. I really don’t know what the problem is. But as always, I am very blessed with wonderful friends and family both on and off-line so I am certain that someone somewhere well somehow tell me or help me figure out how to get rid of my trust issue, Or should I caught lack of trust in a man As always, thank you for reading and have a wonderful night
CXP