💜🌈 CitizenPressDog 🌈💜

Howdy folks, I have been very busy today with cleaning and some live broadcasts and I did a video or two maybe three for YouTube. I’m trying to get more comfortable with the pre-recorded video because I don’t know what the future of TikTok is going to be honestly whether it’s here to stay or whether it’s going to ghost us again now that I have my privileges, I want to take advantage of them, but I also don’t wanna be in violation. My mind goes everywhere and I know everywhere isn’t where TikTok wants us to go because they have some restraints on what we can discuss and what we cannot discuss, but I wanted to discuss some things about TikTok. There are good angles of TikTok and there are bad angles of TikTok. I’ve seen both. I am friends with a handful of people, my social schedule has been brightened a little bit from the friends. I’ve made it there. I have more people in my life, but I also love to stay home in my sanctuary, which is now my basement apartment. I have been cleaning rearranging getting blankets and pillows to my liking both decor-wise and comfort-wise. I have a mix of vintage, Gothic, and tropical. I have been listening to public safety radio all day. I have been watching some YouTube videos today. I want to continue to watch YouTube videos and keep my attitude positive. Sometimes I think about the fact that my brain does not process things the way other people do that’s part of being neurodivergent. We have different reactions to different things. Not all of us are on the same level that’s why they call it. Spectrum disorder and spectrum disorder is autism, and spectrum disorder is Tourette syndrome. I do not have Tourette’s syndrome, but I am following Baylen Dupree who does and she has been an inspiration to me in the little short time I’ve known about her. I have been more outgoing about talking to people via video. I have been doing my research more than usual. I’ve been watching content of hers and scrolling on Pinterest about different topics. The topics range from neurodivergence to mental health. About TikTok‘s naughty side, I don’t like the way some people are treating others, some people are just out for themselves and do not give a flying shit about others and they are narcissistic assholes. I have first-hand knowledge and experience with a narcissistic asshole. My ex-partner who I wish I never came in contact with at all, even though he appeared to make me happy, the happiness went out the window in 2003 early on yes the same year that we met in person. After about two months and a change after meeting him, I wish I had broken it off. He was not the person he claimed to be and I’m not talking about identity. I’m talking about relationships, he carried on a relationship with his so-called ex-girlfriend who is now his wife, and me at the same time and he told me that he did not tell her anything about us, but later down the road, I learned that she knew more about our relationship than he led on and she was in on everything practically which torque my tail feathers. I know I’ve said in past issues that I wish I would’ve left him in April 2023, make that June 2023 because it was all bullshit after June 20 23 because I was trying to organize our next meet up and he kept having excuse after excuse after excuse. I did not know that he was being dishonest at first, but then when the clue started adding up to him leading a double life that’s when I got very pushback. I was pushing back on him and he didn’t like it, but I wish I would’ve pushed back more and harder and stood up for myself before I did. He knew I was unhappy, but he did nothing to remedy the situation he lied repeatedly about certain situations, and seeing how he was narcissistic manipulative, and abusive makes me see it and other people now that I’ve been in recovery from a horrible relationship. Do I want a healthy and stable relationship someday? Yes I do but do I think I’m going to find what I want, I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m gonna find that person. I don’t know if I want to have a relationship with someone and be vulnerable again yes saying that I wish I didn’t meet. My former partner is very very strong, but it’s very very true. I wish I never went through that and I know that they say certain things our life lessons, but that is a life lesson that I wish would not have lasted that long. That was almost 5 years of my life that was wasted with someone who didn’t fully or at all want to be with me. since my break up or disconnection, I have taken my mental health in my own hands, partially by removing myself from certain situations, like living upstairs. Living in the basement is mentally safer for me emotionally safer. I still go upstairs to do the basic things, but I sleep I work I entertain myself in the basement. I communicate with whoever I want that was another thing that my ex was very controlling about who I could communicate with. And I can already see that this entry is gonna need a multiple because the content in this is very erratic so I’m gonna end it here and work on the rest of it as I can think of what else I need to say.