Evernote Notes, Me, On My Mind, Ramblings, Random Rant, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Little Bitches (Little Bitch Syndrome)

Dear friends, this morning I had an interesting revelation while I was window shopping and note gathering-college age kids, sometimes their presence in my bubble area is unwanted and unwarranted. I sometimes like to be in my own world I don’t like when certain beings are around in some places because it makes me feel inadequate -I know in my heart I am thinking foolish but in my mind I have these mind clothes where I don’t feel good enough I don’t feel like I am on an even level with everyone else. I think it is because of my #AutismOperatingSystem, My mind does not work like other people and at times it plays tricks on my common sense I think that has been happening a lot lately and it bothers me-I feel that maybe I’m not as valuable to some people and I know in the real world reality I am totally insane. I know I’m good enough I know I’m pretty enough I know I am capable enough but when you have the aliens in your head saying my mind does not work like other people and at times it plays tricks on my common sense I think that has been happening a lot lately and it bothers me-I feel that maybe I’m not as valuable to some people and I know in the real world reality I am totally insane. I know I’m good enough I know I’m pretty enough I know I am capable enough but when you have the aliens in your head saying otherwise you really start to think about the aliens talking more than normal neurologically individuals. The reason I titled this little bitch is is because that’s how I see people that annoy the shit out of me-Nuro typical people have a tendency to annoy the shit out of me on the regular-including my family who we all have different operating systems and I have struggled with “little bitch syndrome“ in other people. I don’t know if this was in a previous post I did or not but I’m gonna reiterate because I don’t see it on the log haven last night I was asked if I am married or in a relationship, the answer is no to both-I was asked that because I wear a ring, I have a slew of rings #SiliconeRings that I love wearing a single girl/woman can wear a ring or should be able to wear a ring without being questioned about relationship status-I wear rings because I want to wear rings I like jewelry I like silicone jewelry the best, because I am allergic to certain metals and I have found that even sterling or gold etc including stainless steel May or may not have a metal called nickel-and that is what I believe I’m allergic to-amongst my other problems in life I have to worry about what is in. I will say I am happy in my life for the most part except for my emotional health at times my mental health and I’ve come to realize that my Mental health is more problematic than not lately at least I feel that way I don’t feel like I need to be on funny farm for Xtreme medication but I feel like I am increasingly needing to have quiet time or zone out time where I can focus on myself and just be still in life whether that be windowshopping whether that be time away from my babies whether that be just time with my mom I don’t know and when I say time away from my mental health is more problematic than not lately at least I feel that way I don’t feel like I need to be on 40 form or extreme medication but I feel like I am increasingly needing to have quiet time or zone out time where I can focus on myself and just be still in life whether that be windowshopping whether that be time away from my babies whether that be just time with my mom I don’t know and when I say time away from my babies, sometimes they can be the opposite of emotional support pets sometimes they are the ones that need more emotional support than I.-I am going to even say that some of the craziness in this country has driven me insane in one way or another-I like knowing what’s going on in my country at the same time I don’t like some of the politics in this country even when I say my country and I know I’ve said this before, my eighth generation grandfather signed the Declaration of Independence, my 10th generation grandfather was the governor of the state of Maryland. I am very proud to be an American and I stand up for my country for my first amendment which is free speech, the right to say and think whatever the fuck we want which drives me in saying about #MainstreamMedia/#Facebook #Instagram #Twitter- he’s becoming more and more difficult in this country to get your point across to be able to say what you want to say without being punished #LandOfTheFreeBecauseOfTheBrave- Should also be #LandOfFree-speech #LandOfFreethinking We should not have government officials or anyone saying we can’t say we can do we can’t feel-guess what kids we think we feel we do whatever the fuck we want and if we get censored that’s not our fault that is the fault of platforms who don’t like what this country stands for-as for the weaponry we have something called the second amendment, the right to bear arms the way to carry weapons to protect oneself and one’s home one’s property. Do you have a government that wants to take away our guns are knives etc. excuse me but no I am not going to sit back and allow certain shit to happen I know I’m just an influencer I know that I know I’m just a blogger a product reviewer, but I may be one of the few that gives a shit what’s going on in my country..Going back to what I said about relationships and me not being in one, I don’t know if it’s me or my partners that I choose but no matter what when I’ve had official relationship whether it be platonic or romantic, I have always had an elephant in the relationship-never have I had a relationship be successful because someone didn’t want it to be. With that being said about relationships, maybe that is why I’m still single because I have yet to find someone who is willing to put up or handle or stand up for my relationships are relationships I find people who have pansy-ass parents or someone who doesn’t have the balls to stand up for me in the long run even if things were different or times of change etc. I would’ve stood up for us now vs then. Thankfully I don’t recycle relationships more than 3×3 strikes you’re out asshole. I should go to two strikes you’re out an asshole but I have too good of a heart and I want to give people the benefit of the doubt I doubt that it’s me I don’t think it’s my problems that kill the relationship I think it’s the partners I choose. Am I bitter towards my exes no I’m not it’s over I’m over them I just needed to get the shit out of my head a lot of things have been rattling around in this 40 something-year-old head and I think you’re always gonna be there because when you have autism when you have cerebral palsy when you have anxiety, you’re always gonna have something on your mind. No matter what you feel like you’re going to be different for Alfaro but I realize that Necessarily have to explain myself to anyone I just choose to because it helps me mentally when I say something about wanting to go on vacation or change my residential area, some days I feel like I need to do that sometimes I feel like I need a different outlook on life a different surroundings a different everything in life at the same time I love where I live for the most part because I have everything I need practically within 5 to 10 miles of my residence. As for shopping at my favorite stores, sometimes it’s just fucking easier to do it from the comfort of my own home but then you have to think about having to pay to ship or having to have a substantial order of a product. Am I a hoarder? Honestly, in some things I think I am but I know when to throw away trash I know when to do the dishes I know when to take a bath, etc. sidenote my dachshund is giving me the look of “mom are you serious“?-Because I am dictating this verbally instead of typing it so listening to what I’m saying is puzzling her. With all that said, I am going to go relax and ignore some shit for a while because my mental health is more important than anything else #HappyKnitting and #HappyWeekend

Advertisements